Erotic Sandwich Photos Too Hot for University Internet To Handle

Bahn Mi

“Bahn Mi” from… somewhere on the internet…

As you all can tell, I have no problem throwing the word “porn” around. Porn, porn, porn. And then of course I break out in the the chorus for “The Internet is for Porn” from Avenue Q. The first time I did that I was in a philosophy of religion class and someone said that a metaphor for God could be the internet and one of my back row Honors buddies pointed out that 90% percent of the internet is used for porn. I wrote my class journal for that week on how we think of God in human terms and since the majority of humans have pornographic thoughts regularly it made sense that we would just ignore that when trying to make ourselves look like photocopies of God. And who knows… maybe God does think about porn. It wouldn’t be anything like ours, I’m sure, but still… worth a really awkward thought.

It’s in the 90’s today and that makes me sad. And I had to wake up super early to try once again to convince the DMV that I am in fact a state resident who should be allowed to get an ID card. I had so carefully gotten together all my documentation together to go in and get it earlier this week and they let me do everything but get the card itself until I bring in another proof of residency. I got a sunburn standing outside the MVA at 8am only to be told that the additional documents I had brought in didn’t count but that I was allowed to print off other bank/credit card statements and use those. So I’m going to try and go back later today and have told my boss that afterwards I will be working from home because its just too much hassle to go back and forth and back and forth and really I’ll I’m doing today is reading this book for next year and coming up with questions all them new students will have to suffer through. It’s a good book and I find it fascinating but I already know that the new crop of freshies are most likely to complain at me about how it’s more than 160 characters (or however long messages are these days).

But since I was up so early and now have like the biggest pile of dead trees with all possible bank/card statements the MVA might accept from me all printed out I’m hungry. And I know I still have Bahn Mi materials in the fridge. I was going to share a lovely post once about about the wonders of bahn mi and how you should be eating them but then I can across a serious problem… The university’s firewall…

I swear this thing block anything and everything of any remote possible interest to the majority of humanity. The word “wine” shows up on a page? BLOCKED! Any reference to sexual relations of any kind? BLOCKED (Yep, even some news articles)! Bahn mi…. BLOCKED for Mature/Adult Themes of a Sexual Nature.

It makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time.

So there it is folks, somewhere in the post attached to the photo above is something so horrifyingly sexy that I can’t even open it on campus. It looks rally delicious… MUST BE A SIN!

Oh and look! A little bird has landed outside my office window and is trying to make friends with my Batman and Catwoman Lego figures… Since the internet seems to be off-limits I guess I’ll go play with Legos now.

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Cold Comfort

The weather in the DC area is starting to get warmer and the humidity is starting to build up and I’ve been reminding myself that I really need to make a decision on that ice cream machine before it’s NEXT summer and I still haven’t done anything about it.  We’re not too far from it actually being a full year since I first considered getting the device and kept procrastinating until… well I think it’s evident what happened. I don’t have one.

But here are a couple alternative options that would not only allow me to NOT break my spending fast for the month of April but would allow me to take some of the hot drinks I was getting used to over the cooler months and bring them into summer with me:

Irish Coffee Pops

“Irish Coffee Pops” from Souvlaki For The Soul

Hot Cocoa Popsicles

“Hot Cocoa Popsicles” from Pastry Affair

And this is what popsicles looked like when I was a kid living overseas. My Apo used to make avocado ones for me with palm sugar. Mmmmm!

Avocado Ice Pops

“Avocado Ice Pops” from Cooking tackle

All these and more can be found and followed on the “Freeze It!” Pinterest board.

Ass-Pear-A-Goose

Linguine with Asparagus and Egg

“Linguine with Asparagus and Egg” from Martha Stewart’s Asparagus Recipes Pinterest Board

Say what you will about Martha Stewart but that woman(‘s people) know her(/their) gastroporn. All the massive piles of pork aside, her recipes are often clean and include ingredients that I often approve of. One of my many resource lists generated her “Asparagus Recipes” Pinterest Board and I really like asparagus. Had some just yesterday for Easter Lunch. Easiest way to prepare Asparagus is to just lay them out on a baking tray, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper, a squeeze of lemon juice, and bake at 375 F for about 25 minutes with a quick shake/turn somewhere in the middle. I usually add the lemon to the tray (cut side down) and it adds a nice garnish at the end that’s useful for those who like a little extra zest on their asparageese.

The Joys of Coffee

Coffee

It’s spring break around campus. Students are scarce and faculty are not to be seen. Staff, however, are all required to come in and so here I am. It’s been a long weekend and little sleep has taken place and even less will be taking place since I have yet to finish my paintings for the wedding that’s in 3 days. So when I see the Daily Meal’s Pinterest board titled “Coffee Time is the Best Time” I’m so on it.

I don’t like drinking coffee on a workday. I rarely need to be productive enough to keep up with the caffeine. But some days the smell of coffee is all I need to feel a little better. When I was a student, my adviser used to make a fresh pot of thick black brew and the smell was fantastic. I miss that there is no one around with coffee during spring break but I suppose I could make some effort and make my own. I’ve got the emergency equipment in my desk behind my file folders.

Coffee as a pure elixir is great. I love it on the weekends. But it’s also a fantastic ingredient. From the Pinterest board I made my way to a slideshow of “7 Delicious Things To Make with leftover Coffee”. Here are two recipes I think not only look good but need to be made. I also really need to get on buying that ice cream maker because that STILL hasn’t happened yet.

Coffee Almond Ice Cream

“Coffee Almond Ice Cream” by Angie McGowan on The Family Kitchen

Coffee Donut Bread Pudding

“Coffee Donut Bread Pudding” by JulieVR on The Family Kitchen

 

It’s a Coffee Kinda Day…

Coffee

It’s one of those days and I’ve reverted to drinking coffee to get me going. So much paperwork and so few students showing up to make it worth my time…

For more, visit the “Coffee, Tea, and Accoutrements” board on Pinterest.

The above photo comes from the following link: http://500px.com/photo/11251671

A Quest! A Quest!

I always feel guilty playing around on Pinterest while at work. But for some reason I have no problems playing Tetris on my phone during committee meetings. Well… They’re really bad meetings. Nothing ever gets done and in the end we always have a worse problem than we started with. I can’t believe that this is what an “Adult” workplace looks  like. It’s ridiculous. There will probably be a new VP to oversee the new Dean who was installed in my office to oversee the Director who’s been here for eons without a vacation and who actually worked up to 18 hours a day 7 days a week over the summer because there wasn’t anyone else to help out. Until they finally hired me, that is. Then there were 2 of us working insane hours but at least they were less than his previous hours.

We need more worker ants! It’s really too bad that all those student workers we pay to sit out at the front desk all day are next to worthless. Maybe it’s because I’m on the wrong end of the complexion scale but I’ve never been so mistreated by anyone as I have been by the students who (believe it or not!) work for me in this office. One of my freshmen just got the Monday night shift with me and he’s still fresh and helpful. I intend to keep it that way. And there is one other decent worker but she just got married (to another student I think) and they have a baby-toddler. How sad it is that the newly married mother is a better student and more productive worker than the ones on a music scholarship who sits at the desk watching YouTube all day? Tragic.

Anyways, I digress.

Today’s self righteous college students with their attitude problems jut really bother me!

Okay, I’m sorry. Had to get that out before I could continue.

When I was working in the English Department it was always very clear as to who was in charge: Dr. C——-, the chair of the department. She actually referred to herself as the Queen of the Underworld on several occasions. The English Department is in the basement so this actually made perfect sense. As an eternal honorary citizen on the Underworld I still go down every morning to get proper hot water for my tea.

It get’s me to thinking that we’re becoming to top heavy in terms of our administrative scheme at the University. A recent conversation had me referring to it as the epitome of Vogonity with all the paperwork it takes to get a check cut or try and use any of the rooms on campus for events or seminars and meeting! Don’t even get me starting on trying to find a location for a meeting…

No. What we need around here is a grand monarch to whom everything goes and either gets a thumbs up or thumbs down. Like in the Arena. There should be no hiding that this is the case. Trying to make every thing seem all well planned and thought out and democratic will only make people more frustrated. If you’re going to be oppressive you should have the guts to be honest about it.

Every day court will be held up on the 3rd floor and the “University Monarch” — who may choose from a list of appropriate titles such as “The Academician” or ” His/Her Educatedness”– for a certain number of hours and there will be a line that follows the old ways so there’s no favoritism, merely the willpower required to get yourself into that line far up enough that you can be seen that day. A request will be made and the Monarch can ask for the opinions of his/her advisers (finance, scheduling, legal, etc.) and then make a final decision.

Guess who thinks she could be a great Monarch….

My first order of business would be to set up a real calendar of events that everyone has access to. That way no one will ever make a stupid scheduling request because they simply have no idea. Simply log onto your computer, see the schedule, decide whether or not you really need to make a request based on the schedule or petition the schedule and then, based on your decision you can either go upstairs and stand in line or you can stay in your office and focus on actually working with your students.

My second order of business would be to fire the third party company that runs the cafeteria and start all over again. I am aware that a large amount of the readership of this blog may not be aware of the Health “Message” of the Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) church (and most of its affiliated institutions, such as my workplace) so I’ll give you a brief synopsis, without all the politics of why some countries ignore parts and become martyrs to others and blah blah blah.

We should all be vegetarian. Preferably vegan but vegetarian will suffice. We should also refrain from alcohol, caffeine, and (if you’re a purist): vinegar, melting ice cream, baking powder (but it may be baking soda I can never remember because obviously I’m not a purist), pepper or spiciness of any kind…. and there are others but it’s not necessary to continue. I think the point is clear. It’s pretty strict in theory. Luckily there are only small groups in the world that actually keep to this lifestyle and then tend to be like the Amish in terms of how often they make it out into “The World” (which they are in but not “of”). The rest of the SDA community is pretty “OK”. Promise.

While I obviously don’t adhere very strictly to many of these rules I’m a fan of religious institutions being true to themselves in that if they are going to preach/teach something they should do it wholeheartedly. So when I took this job and found out that they were serving caffeinated sodas in the cafeteria I was little unhappy. Mostly because the last thing my Freshmen needed was caffeine to mess up their already horrifying sleep habits but also because the cafeteria boasts as being a vegetarian restaurant in keeping with our church’s message. And by vegetarian food I’m not talking something like this:

A Vegetarian Harvest Dinner, from Saveur

I’m talking stuff like this:

Tofu Scramble (the link takes you to a review from “Freezer Burns”)

My Gma used to make stuff like this. It’s disgusting and an affront to tofu everywhere.

So of course we have students who are used to having a lot of meat in their diet and suddenly BAM! Tofu scramble… but here’s some Pepsi! Not okay.

The only good thing I’ve heard or experienced in the cafeteria is that there is a decent salad bar. Not much of a compliment when you think about it. I mean how hard is a salad bar? Considering our chef has supposedly won awards for his vegetarian cooking I’m not impressed. But I do like salad. Which brings me back to playing on Pinterest at work. It’s chapel time so I can actually do that now.

If you’ve been to my Pinterest account at all you will see that I have all the GastroGasms boards somewhat separated for easy browsing. I really wanted one for salads because I like salads and think that there would be better salads. My mom happened to make me a few nice one this morning to take with me to work (I know I’m SUCH a big girl!) and I had a fantastic one last night at an employee banquet. Other than the salad  and the bread there wasn’t much to write about, SDA banquets are fairly drawn out and rather dull affairs and everyone just automatically gets up and leaves after closing prayer. No dancing. Dancing is evil. Probably because there’s no booze and we’re all just so exhausted from all those committee meetings.

But my Gastrogasms: Salads Board is pathetic. Only 20 pins. 20 is pretty lousy, especially with the amount of time I spend looking for recipes and Gastroporn. So I am now on a quest (Yay!) to try and find more salad recipes. Here are some recent additions (all of which I intend to try within the next 2 weeks):

Crispy Okra Salad

Cucumber and Feta Salad

Grilled Zucchini and Spinach Salad with Feta and Roasted Hazelnut (aka: Zucchini Ribbon Salad)

Deconstructed Caesar Salad (Also great site for additional Gastroporn)

I’m now on the prowl for more salads. If you know of any please share. The findings will be posted to both Pinterest and the GastroGasms Facebook page.