Erotic Sandwich Photos Too Hot for University Internet To Handle

Bahn Mi

“Bahn Mi” from… somewhere on the internet…

As you all can tell, I have no problem throwing the word “porn” around. Porn, porn, porn. And then of course I break out in the the chorus for “The Internet is for Porn” from Avenue Q. The first time I did that I was in a philosophy of religion class and someone said that a metaphor for God could be the internet and one of my back row Honors buddies pointed out that 90% percent of the internet is used for porn. I wrote my class journal for that week on how we think of God in human terms and since the majority of humans have pornographic thoughts regularly it made sense that we would just ignore that when trying to make ourselves look like photocopies of God. And who knows… maybe God does think about porn. It wouldn’t be anything like ours, I’m sure, but still… worth a really awkward thought.

It’s in the 90’s today and that makes me sad. And I had to wake up super early to try once again to convince the DMV that I am in fact a state resident who should be allowed to get an ID card. I had so carefully gotten together all my documentation together to go in and get it earlier this week and they let me do everything but get the card itself until I bring in another proof of residency. I got a sunburn standing outside the MVA at 8am only to be told that the additional documents I had brought in didn’t count but that I was allowed to print off other bank/credit card statements and use those. So I’m going to try and go back later today and have told my boss that afterwards I will be working from home because its just too much hassle to go back and forth and back and forth and really I’ll I’m doing today is reading this book for next year and coming up with questions all them new students will have to suffer through. It’s a good book and I find it fascinating but I already know that the new crop of freshies are most likely to complain at me about how it’s more than 160 characters (or however long messages are these days).

But since I was up so early and now have like the biggest pile of dead trees with all possible bank/card statements the MVA might accept from me all printed out I’m hungry. And I know I still have Bahn Mi materials in the fridge. I was going to share a lovely post once about about the wonders of bahn mi and how you should be eating them but then I can across a serious problem… The university’s firewall…

I swear this thing block anything and everything of any remote possible interest to the majority of humanity. The word “wine” shows up on a page? BLOCKED! Any reference to sexual relations of any kind? BLOCKED (Yep, even some news articles)! Bahn mi…. BLOCKED for Mature/Adult Themes of a Sexual Nature.

It makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time.

So there it is folks, somewhere in the post attached to the photo above is something so horrifyingly sexy that I can’t even open it on campus. It looks rally delicious… MUST BE A SIN!

Oh and look! A little bird has landed outside my office window and is trying to make friends with my Batman and Catwoman Lego figures… Since the internet seems to be off-limits I guess I’ll go play with Legos now.

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The Dark Side of that Corner Office with All Those Legos in the Window (Now with a Side of Soup!)

Vader's Dark Side Roast Coffee

Vader’s Dark Side Roast Coffee

It’s lunchtime in the bottomless pit of horrific grade…itude (yeah, that makes it sound better) and I’m on my second cup of coffee. I now know that 2 is the number of cups I can fit into my travel mug and that 2 cups of coffee is still not enough to wake me up on a day like today.

I know I should not be drinking coffee. Just last week I warned a third of a class full of students how coffee was like a gateway drug and that you shouldn’t use it to keep yourself awake when you really should just put down the cell phone or get off Facebook and go the f**k to sleep. I also told them to practice safe sex. That last one could get me fired but there are just WAY too many students running around with their babies on this campus. Clearly someone needed to tell them what a condom was and how to use one because abstinence only works until someone gets naked and you’re all like “Yeah! Sex!” I’m more concerned about this situation:

Guy with baby tries to hit on random girl.

Girl is all impressed with his, let’s be honest, less than satisfactory parenting skills. The kid’s eating carpet lint. Pick her up.

Guy  talks all about being a dad… Dude, your baby is wandering awfully close to that sharp object….

Girl giggles.

Guy says they should go out some time. Oops! Baby fell down some cement stairs and hit her head and is now crying!

Girl gasps.

Guy picks up baby…. “Daddy’s here…”

Girl…. “He’s so sensitive!”

NO!

That man has a baby. If he has time to be dating you he is doing something wrong.

Wow… I really should slow down on the coffee. That and I should probably rethink my whole quadruplets plan. And… hey! Someone messed with my Legos! [Wonder Woman is now aggressively attacking Lex Luthor, she’s hanging on to his laser majigy with her laso, and Superman is on top of the Kryptonium.] Well that doesn’t make any sense…

And now for something completely different:

I made soup for my family’s lunch today. Since we’re all spread out all over the area I even prepacked it into nice little containers. But I forgot the veggie meatballs at home so it’s just soup. I really like soup and think there should be more of it. I also, don’t mind making soup. It’s simple and, if you’re doing it right, doesn’t involve too much cutting up of onions so there’s no crying. Yay!

Here are some upcoming soup ideas to be implemented this week for family lunches:

Dahl Makhni

“Dahl Makhni” by Alfred Prasad on GreatBritishChefs.com

Pea Consomme with Mint

“Pea Consomme with Mint” from Foof & Wine

Split Pea Soup with Portobellos

“Split Pea Soup with Portobellos” from Food & Wine

Warm Carrot Parsnip Soup

“Warm Carrot Parsnip Soup” by Brittany Mullins on Eating Bird Food

Thai-spiced Pumpkin Soup

“Thai-spiced Pumpkin Soup” from 101 Cookbooks

All of these soups, and many others, can be found on the Gastrogasms: Soups and Stews board on Pinterest.

“Balancing” the “Budgets”

Now that I’m fully employed (meaning I go to an office 4 days a week and get paid to do “stuff”) I have been both missing my old carefree days of school while also enjoying all the things I get to do with the much larger paychecks I get. And yes, I did actually earn money during school. Hate me all you want but I finished my MBA with a rather nice little pile of not-so-hard earned money and just found out the school owes me over $2000 because I paid too much money to cover all my fees for when I went to France last summer.

So what do I do with all my piles of cash? Well I save it, mostly, and I’m starting some investment accounts (still in the testing phase) and the rest I blow on things like this:

Le Collectionneur, Integrale (French Edition)

And of course there is the regular frolic sessions in and around the DC area that usually involve Smithsonian Art Gallery shops and dinner.

Yesterday was an afternoon spent in Downtown Silver Spring after hearing nothing from the students I had set aside time to take to the Holocaust Museum that included lunch, window shopping, getting frustrated with shoes that look pretty but don’t fit my feet (which are genetically engineered for hunting and gathering like my Java Man ancestors in the jungles of Indonesia but not for cute shoes), and then “Skyfall”. 007 movies are among my absolute favorites. I had a crazy insane face the whole movie I was that happy.

When my Mexican sister (who was having a birthday and thus all the intense amounts of fun piled into one day) and I got out of the movie we realized that we were late for our dinner reservations at Firefly with our Kenyan sister. After rescheduling the dinner with enough time to get into DC and find parking and finally making it to the restaurant we had a grand time with the food, the bottles of booze, and time spent together (which we haven’t done in a really long time).

Firefly (click to go to the restaurant website)
And as a side note: Unless otherwise stated you can click on ALL photos in this blog and be taken to an external source. As a good English degree holder I know how to cite my sources.

My Kenyan sister and I are notorious tippers in DC and our poor server was having a really crap day. Plus he was super cute and actually very nice, despite the tired look on his face and the drooping shoulders while he went to replace our champagne flutes (which had lipstick marks on them). We wrote him a note and left a nice 40% tip. Not our highest percentage on a tip but still pretty decent (and if you know anything about the price of dining out in DC you’ll know that 40% is no small amount). He smiled when he got our signed bills and it was a good end to the night.

I get to the office this morning and sort through all the emails to pick out the best images/recipes to go up on the Facebook page and then I check the damage of yesterday’s frolic session with the siblings. Not as bad as it has been and nowhere near as bad as my horrifying literary hobby. I’m also reminded by another email that I have yet to receive my physical copy of Food & Wine magazine. I have a special budget now for GastroGasms which includes “Research”.

As a decent MBA graduate I know that funding has to come from somewhere and so I have started a project that will hopefully help with the upkeep of this research and potentially the little GastroGasms community: A GastroGasms Calendar.

Exciting isn’t it?!

I’ve begun collecting food/drink related holidays from various sources and am currently compiling them for use in a GastroGasms calendar. If anyone knows of some that they feel needs to be included I would love the additional input. I’ve already enjoyed National Dessert Day and Champagne Day in October and I think everyone needs to be made aware of such momentous markers in time in advance (unlike me who found out last minute and would have to make an emergency batch of chocolate cupcakes for National Chocolate Cupcake Day).

The Calendar will also, feature the monthly Gastroporn menus.

And people wonder what I do at work all day… Speaking of work. I need to go prepare for Lego Death Star night in the conference room!

[Also, feel free to check out and Like the GastroGasms Facebook page for more than daily tidbits either from the Homepage or by clicking HERE.

First GastroGasm of the Day

So I literally bounded down the stairs this morning all awake (without coffee and after a very late night/early morning on the phone) and skipped off down the road to go vote at the elementary school near the house. My parents trailed behind commenting on whether or not I am mature enough to vote while I changed my Facebook status to “And a happy “I Get to Vote for Obama Day” to YOU!”. I picked that one only after much consideration.

Yes, I like Obama. Yes, I voted for him. And yes it makes me feel like a big girl to put the “I Voted” sticker on my office door.

While waiting in line I was browsing for Tapioca Pudding Recipes and photos of well designed Breakfast/Brunch photos. It was all I could do to keep myself from bouncing around the hallways like the mature 5-year old I felt like. I like cooking for people and one meal I especially like cooking for people is Breakfast and/or Brunch. Something about being the artist that gives a person their first GastroGasm of the day. I honestly cannot wait until I have someone to make breakfast in bed for. I don’t care how domesticated that makes me sound.

As it so happens, there is a person I send breakfast photos to on a fairly regular basis. I happened to have these photos on my phone so I’m not sure exactly where they came from. Probably Pinterest, which is not working right now. But here was today’s photo:

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And here was yesterday’s (it was a vote):

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Or…

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And there here are some other things I couldn’t help not keeping:

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So after voting and rushing to campus to try and get my dad to his first class of the day at least decently late as opposed to obscenely late (there was a big to do trying to call student workers to get a note up in his classroom), I settled into my office with some blackberries and tea while basking in the glow of a late night with awesome people and an early morning with awesome people who vote. Had some good music going on my Pandora station: Buddha Bar. Then I get a delivery of such magnitude I can’t even control my glee:

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Isn’t it beautiful? I’m booking the conference room during my next late night shift in the office for a good few hours with this.

But in line with my desire for everyone to have a better day with a better breakfast, I think that starting the day off with a proper amount of sleep the night before (made better depending on what/who you do just before bed) and a bounce in your step is a good beginning point. Then eat. Take two minutes to think about something to make. Make it, then eat it. Just like thinking about your vote before you cast it, we should all put a little more effort into starting our days off better on a regular basis.