Last summer I though I was moving to Chad to live in a sort of half-hovel above an office where I was being asked to spy on a country director while rewriting all his mistakes, going to the field (where there was a legit chance I could get kidnapped and held for ransom) to write reports, and all while the actually office thought I was being sent there to help make their tea and answer phones. The cherry on top? By the time I would have finished a 6-month contract and paid taxes and then paid most of my own ticket and whatever else for a two week break somewhere not the desert of doom, I would have SPENT money rather than earned any.
I felt so physically full of stress and unhappiness it was like I was always just one touch or word away from explosion. It was a really bad time in my life for decision making. And when I finally sobbed to my parents after they got really angry about the situation that I didn’t want to go they helped me right my letter of “You people suck and here’s a few places you can shove that ‘job’ you begged me to take” I just decided crying felt good and did it on and off for the next couple of weeks. Like I mentioned, it was a really bad time in my life.
After that incident I went through a period of awkward pseudo-employment. According to my resume I have been fully employed since 2006… I love words. They make me sound important.
And after that I finagled my way into the job I have now… Which has caused just as much stress as potentially getting kidnapped and not having a proper kitchen (seriously, they were going to give me a gas burner and a min-fridge. I wouldn’t have survived that). The one thing about this job that is definitely better is that I’m actually making money.
There are a lot of reasons a person can be unhappy where they are. In my case it’s mostly that I don’t really like people. Well… Let me be more specific. I don’t like stupid people. And this place feels like a breeding ground for stupidity sometimes and it makes life miserable.
Now, I can’t go into details but right now I’m stable but on Wednesday I almost smacked a student in the face. And that’s not a euphemism or me speaking figuratively or whatever. I actually almost smacked a student in the face. And in church after chapel too. That’s never a good sign. I almost didn’t go to work the next day but then I decided that wasn’t the best option because right afterwards I was told that I’m being offered this same job (still no benefits, just money) for another year.
I’m still not sure yet whether or not I should be crying this weekend but I do know one thing. Life is just too much to handle and I think there should be chocolate. I’ve been packing mainly desserts for my lunches at work and I know for sure that will need to stop soon but it’s the weekend and I really don’t give a crap. Plus these things that are called brownies but look like magic for the face are totally doable and so I shall do them!
Stay strong, Foodie Nation. Oh, and eat more chocolate!