One of my earlier attempts at writing an essay to send in with grad school applications had me half naked and shivering in an alley way somewhere between the High Platonic Lane and the curvy and often flooded Utopian/Dystopian Deridian Highway. I was just a lonely sad little street walker type looking for a grad school to take me in and I would do whatever they wanted for a place in a classroom.
That essay never made it into circulation but that was probably for the best.
Nowadays, the majority of my philosophical musings rotate around mealtimes and bedtime. Carefully calculating when i must go to bed in order to wake up and not look like some form of the living dead is key to working in a place that claims we’re all happy to see the students we “serve” every day no matter how far below a 1.0 GPA they may have fallen. To be fair, I do love the vast majority of my students (I have about 140 now after calculating Spring semester newcomers and a few dropouts from the Fall). There are always cases where students have actually had genuine struggles and their grades have suffered. I just wish they had come in and us this was the case earlier so we could have helped them out. My problem is with the students who didn’t bother getting out of bed at 11 AM to go to class or decided making out with some random guy in the basement of the girls’ dorm was more important than reading a few pages of homework. Sometimes, when I say things like that (<–) I feel old and snarly but good grief go to class!
Anyways, back to happier things. For instance: I HAD BREAKFAST THIS MORNING!!!!
It was good and I feel much better than I usually do on Monday mornings. But I was a little disappointed that I wasn’t able to aspire to more with my breakfast. Sauteed baby tomato and cheese omelette? I have 8 year old cousins that can make that while partially asleep ((I know because I taught them how)! I am a grown ass woman with a full time job and a masters degree. I should do better. BE better.
I currently don’t have a fully functioning computer and home so the majority of my internet access happens either on a mobile device or my work computer. So when I arrived at work I had my usual inbox full of academic alerts and foodie mail. One of the more fun ones (I’ll let you guys figure out which) had the above recipe in it. I looked at it and realized: I could have done that. If I had woken up 15 minutes earlier this morning I could have made crepes instead of some measly omelette. I even had all of the ingredients in my kitchen despite the fact that we’re on a fridge cleansing stint and are only buying fresh goods like fruits and veggies. But for some reason, come Monday morning, any motivation to wake up has vanished. Just yesterday morning I woke up at SIX O’CLOCK in the MORNING. What sort of insanity is that? I didn’t even have any plans that day. Granted I still didn’t eat breakfast until after returning from a trip to Behnke’s to buy some seeds and flower bulbs (I actually had to wait for them to open) but still, if I had been hungry enough I probably would have made something.
Sometimes I wonder if my internal clock and external clock aren’t in some wort of battle and my poor brain is getting caught in the middle. I used to have this old alarm clock that crowed (as in cock-a-doodle-doo) every morning and I could actually feel the clock getting ready to go off and my brain started becoming conscious so that by the time it actually started crowing at me I was awake enough to hit the button on top to turn in off. And at that point the waking up process would have been far enough along that I would have juuuust enough momentum to climb down the ladder of my bed and go about my post-out-of-bed-now-what? activities. But now I have to use my phone as an alarm clock most nights and it makes sounds like a robot. I like the sounds, it’s cute and non-abrasive. But there’s not internal trigger and so I sleep through the first 20 seconds or so of the alarm and then it’s a scramble of searching under my 10+ pillows trying to find where it migrated to during the night. So I’m neither awake nor rested as I hit my head on the ceiling in a panic and then crash back down half unconscious for non-restful purposes. I miss my old alarm clock.
But I’m up and fed and at work now so I guess I’ll just have to try again tomorrow…